Face Break

15 May

I’m taking a break from Facebook. I almost said I was quitting but then I remembered how sometimes I need it to get ahold of someone and, let’s be honest, I’m having a kid and will probably want to show his picture to the world. Unless he’s ugly. Then I might just keep them to myself until he gets cuter.

I decided to take a breather from FB for several reasons. For one thing, it makes me feel hateful toward people whom I actually like in real life. You know what I mean. Some people just come across differently on FB than they do in real life. You have different categories of annoying Facebookers. I’ll list mine.

1. The Braggers. These people use the word “blessed” A LOT. These are usually women. Amazingly, their men are handsome, strong, virile and rich. Oh, and he sends flowers every day. Sometimes twice a day. Their kids are the cutest, sweetest, most well-behaved darlings you could ever hope to meet. Nothing has ever gone wrong in their lives. Mainly because they are perfect. Everything they do is their “calling.”  And they post 12 pics per week that they took of themselves-usually in their car, with or without sunglasses.

2. Next we have the insecure people who are trying to assure everyone else of how awesome they are. For gals, this usually means that they constantly complain about getting hit on too much.These ladies also like to post lots of pics that they take of themselves, but these tend to look sluttier. For guys, they like to complain about their jobs but at the same time throw in that they are making a crap ton of money.

3. The next category is the bitter complainers. The bitter complainers often give the impression that their moms may have breast fed them too long. Everything is negative. Whining on Facebook apparently helps.

4. The sick ones. These are not the people with chronic diseases. Unless hypochondria is a disease. Every status they have is a complaint about their poor health. I get the impression that these people have gotten attention in the past from being “sick.” It makes me want to go lay on the interstate.

7. The political experts. These people have probably never even voted (I hope), but they have an opinion on a wide variety of policy issues of which they have no actual knowledge. They get most of their news from The Huffington Post or Rush Limbaugh.

8. The religious braggers. I don’t mean all the religious people. I am one of those. I mean the ones who obviously post non-stop about their religion in order to convince everyone of how saintly they are even though you know they are having sex with a married man.These are also the ones who ask for prayer  every time they take their cat to the groomer.

9. The comedians. These people may or may not be funny to you but they find themselves to be hilarious. They probably spend too much time trying to think of funny statuses in order to get attention from their friends. I don’t actually have a problem with these people (that would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn’t it?) but I imagine it’s probably annoying to some.

10. The over-sharers. These people can’t tell the difference between their FB status and their diary. Moms of toddlers often fit into this category for some reason. Most of us don’t want to know about little Billy’s first poo-poo in the big boy potty. That’s when you should just text your mama.

I’m sure I forgot lots of others but I just did this off the top of my head. So, if  you have some good categories of Facebookers, let’s hear ’em.

Besides the fact that I was starting to become homicidal, there were some other reasons to back off the ‘book. For instance, why do I care so much about what someone I met once six years ago ate for lunch? I mean, really, I should not be this obsessed with other people’s lives. Next, I realized that I was thinking way too much about FB status updates. I mean, I could have 547 updates per day if I posted everything that I think about posting. It’s pathetic. It’s like I have forgotten how to keep a thought to myself (If, in fact, that’s a skill I ever possessed). In addition, I don’t think I can handle all the uninformed loudmouths spouting off their political views for the next six months until we get to the election. Finally, there’s the question of addiction. Was I addicted to FB? Can someone be addicted to FB? Um, yeah, they can. I figured that out by the meth-addict-like withdrawal symptoms I have been experiencing the last two days. I don’t believe in being addicted to anything. I think it’s a bad idea to let something outside yourself control your behavior. And, sad as it is, FB was, at times, controlling my behavior.

Interestingly enough, I decided to do this little life challenge on Sunday night and on Tuesday morning I heard a radio show doing a survey on how to tell if you’re addicted to FB. Trust me, you probably are if you have it on your phone. I think I have decided the mobile app is the pathway to addiction.

Anyway, I’ll let ya know how it goes. I feel pretty sure I’ll stay off for a couple weeks but then I will probably want to look at pics from my sister’s wedding. Have you ever felt the need to cut back on social media? What were your reasons?


4 Responses to “Face Break”

  1. Mom May 16, 2012 at 10:06 am #

    I had to quit because of some of those same reasons. I sometimes wish I were back on, but mostly I don’t miss it.

  2. McKenzie May 16, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    You make me laugh! And we’ll just see when you FINALLY get Jack to poop on the toilet for the first time if you don’t feel like shouting it from the rooftops! Two or three years of poop-y diapers and there’s reason to celebrate I assure you! I totally get what you’re saying though. I think we need to have a reunion sometime soon!

    • Heather @ CrawdadsInMySink May 20, 2012 at 8:19 pm #

      I agree, Kenz! Hey, let’s all seriously get together this summer! We can go to the Purcell pool, some random pond or Turner Falls!

  3. Cathy May 17, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

    I thought I might find you here! : )

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