I’m not doing this right

6 Sep

It was rough there for a minute. I kind of thought I might be headed straight off the deep end. And I was hoping there was a shark there waiting to eat me.

Okay, people tell you that having a newborn is tiring. But NO ONE tells you that you may honestly wonder if you can die of sleep deprivation or that you may want to call the hospital and ask about their return policy. This is what people say: “Isn’t it a million times more wonderful than you imagined?” “You must be having the time of your life!” “Can you even remember what life was like before he was born?” Um. Yeah, I can. I slept like a normal human and no, this is not the time of my life. The time of my life was not spent bleeding, leaking milk and crying. Definitely not. I really thought that either these people were all closet alcoholics and secretly drunk or, I was doing this wrong.That doesn’t mean I didn’t love my baby or that I didn’t instantly know I would throw myself in front of a stampede of elephants for him. I just wished he could go live with someone else for a few months. Someone I trusted, of course. Which made me feel like I was seriously missing a mom gene and I was all guilt-ridden for not finding my new life to be blissfully fun.

People also tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. I would like to ask those people when exactly they pooped, showered, ate or did laundry. I mean, even though you’re busy, you do still need clean undies. Or tents, in my case. Speaking of tent underwear, that’s another thing that gets me down. The maternity clothes look worse on me now than they did when I was pregnant. I have a loose flap of belly flab that is like something off the biggest loser. And don’t even think I am getting back in the pre-prego clothes anytime soon. So, I usually look like a hot mess. With spit-up on my shoulder. It’s just glamour central up in here, I tell ya!

This is HARD, y’all. You have no spontaneity left in life. No independence. No time to clean your dadgum toilets. And even though your hubby is right there, you might really miss him for a few weeks. And, it’s confusing. Because, like I said, I wanted someone else to take him until he could sleep more than an hour at a time. But if we went somewhere for a couple hours, I felt such immense relief when I picked him up out of his car seat. I would literally miss him while he was in his car seat right next to me. So weird.

But, I say all this to let the new moms and future moms know that you will be okay. Here we are approaching the six-week mark and things are sooooo much better. There are still rough spots but we are outta the woods. Hallelujah. Because I don’t know if my friends and family could take anymore texts like these before they had an intervention.

“Is it too late to change my mind about wanting kids?”
“Can you take a baby into a liquor store?”
“Why in the name of heaven does anyone do this more than once?!”

Seriously, I was a nut bag. I know this post sounds so negative, so please don’t think I’m awful. We are cool now. Im starting to get it.He is waking up usually around 2 and again around 5am but he’s falling right back to sleep after he eats which has made a HUGE difference. And now he can smile consistently on purpose and it’s just about the cutest thing you could ever hope to see. So, guys and gals, if you have a new little one, just concentrate on surviving those first few weeks. If you feel like you’re drowning, just keep swimming. The shore seems far away but you can make it.

And if you are one of those new moms who has agreeable hormones, an angel for a baby and your toilets are clean, feel free to go brag somewhere else. We don’t need none of that over here.



2 Responses to “I’m not doing this right”

  1. Mckenzie September 6, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    You make me smile with every post! I’m glad you’ve made it through the first weeks. You will keep figuring him out and realizing dirty toilets really aren’t so bad.

    • Heather @ CrawdadsInMySink September 6, 2012 at 10:08 pm #

      Thanks, Kenzie! I love reading your blog. I just wasn’t prepared for a newborn! It was nuts!

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