Carrie Underwood hates me

26 Feb

Well, that’s sad. I guess. I already talked about this on Facebook, but I want to talk about it here, too. And I can. Cause it’s the Internet and we  can all write whatever we want on the Internet! So, here’s how I managed to piss off the queen of blonde haired pop country vegetarian artists.

I was friends with her on Facebook, which I thought was pretty cool because even though I’m really not a fan, she’s famous. Lame, I know. The problem with America, I know. But, I’m not immune to vicariously feeling cool by interacting with people that the rest of the world says are cool. I need to work on that. And, yes, I realize that most celebrities have about 50 accounts of people pretending to be them. Here’s why I’m pretty sure it was her: I was subscribed to the official fan page for Blake Shelton. That page posted a link to the real Blake’s page. That page posted a link to the real Miranda Lambert’s page. The way that works is that you can “add friend” on their pages but once they have so many friends then it just adds you as a subscriber rather than a friend. So, somehow I guess I was one of the first ones to friend Miranda on her personal page and I actually got added. (BTW, if this is the real Miranda, she is really not coming off as cool on FB or Instagram as she seems. She is constantly threatening to block people as if that could be the worst fate they receive. But I’m holding out hope that she is just one of those people whom you really like in person but not so much on the Internet.) Then, she posted that all her friends should add Carrie Underwood (and Brittney Spears and Reese Witherspoon, randomly). Anyway, so I did. The reason I think these were the real people is that they were recommended originally by the official fan page and they didn’t have their pages under their real names. Carrie Underwood’s is something like CMarie Underwd  or something close to that. Now that we have established why I’m pretty sure it’s the real Carrie who hates me, here’s why she does.

Her status was “We are all beautiful in God’s eyes so why does it matter what others think?” So, I’m thinking this is hilarious coming from someone who gets paid to look good. I mean, honestly, does she not totally play into this? This guy commented “So if it doesn’t matter, why were you wearing thousands of dollars in jewelry at the Grammy’s?” And I liked his status because I’m thinking we are on the same wavelength. So she sends me a private message that says “Wow, you liked his status? Judgmental much?” And then I’m blocked. I tried to get a screen shot so I could show everyone but when she blocked me, it changed her name to “Facebook user” and removed the pic. So, it was kind of pointless.

IMG_0639

Sidenote: This is just like the time when Bethenny Frankel tweeted something to the effect of “When will women stop placing so much importance on their weight?” And I tweeted back that she doesn’t get to ask that question when she is the inventor of something called the “SKINNY girl” brand of cocktails. Seriously, that really happened. And then I’m pretty sure she blocked me without responding. Obviously, logic doesn’t matter to these people.

Anyhow, back to our sexy-legged, pick-up keying Carrie. This made me so, so, so, so mad because I just hate when I don’t get to explain myself. I mean, it really rubs me the wrong way when someone asks a question and then doesn’t let you answer. I was going to write a polite but explanatory comment about why it matters, but I wasn’t given the chance. Her response to the guy was “I BORROWED them, not bought them and what girl doesn’t like jewels? How dare you judge me?!”  This makes no sense for a few reasons. 1) Pretty sure he didn’t make any comments about whether or not she bought them or borrowed them. 2) Pretty sure he didn’t say girls aren’t supposed to like jewels. 3) Pretty sure the words “judge” and “judgmental” are way over used and way too frequently misused. What does she mean by saying he was judging her? What was he judging?

Sidenote: How is it that in a “civilized (I find it hard to call a place that thinks killing pre-born babies is okay civilized)” society, it is considered a good thing to have no judgment? We should have no sense of right and wrong? Moral relativism is now the way to go? Everything is okay? So, is it okay to be totally anti-abortion or against gay marriage or to think that Obama is literally trying to kill America as we know it? Oh, it’s not? Stop judging them, you judger! Not that I’m judging you for judging or anything. Also, when I hear people use “Judge not lest ye be judged,” that automatically lets me know that they have probably never opened a Bible and makes me want to respond with “Twist not Scripture lest ye be like Satan.” Seriously, stop with that one. You’re doing it wrong.

So, now you know why I’m pretty sure the real CW hates me. I’m also pretty sure that she got her pals Miranda Lambert, Brittney Spears and Reese Witherspoon to block me too. Sadly, these famous blondes will now all be deprived of my extraordinary wisdom. Well, at least you still get to absorb it. I know you’re super happy about that.

I don’t care if Carrie Underwood doesn’t want to be my friend. I mean, why would she? She doesn’t know me. I get that. She probably has real-life friends who don’t question her gloriosity. But what shocked me was her inability to have a discussion with someone who disagreed with her. It just  seemed so insecure. You would think someone who can sing like that, who looks like that, who has a husband like that and who makes money like that would have some self confidence. And here is where I would like to thank my parents for helping to instill enough self-assuredness in me that I am not afraid to talk to people who don’t kiss the ground I walk on. But if I ever find some who do, I will probably talk to them more. Obviously.

Please note: Words in quotes are not guaranteed to be verbatim because I’m banned so I can’t check and say for sure. Apparently if you are perceived as less than worshipping you get blocked… What a loser. Who is rich and famous.

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4 Responses to “Carrie Underwood hates me”

  1. Suzanne February 26, 2013 at 1:52 pm #

    Maybe I could send her a message and tell her what I think of her music, then she could really know what judgmental is ha ha.

  2. Katie February 27, 2013 at 11:53 am #

    This happened to me with Dierks Bentley on Twitter… I said something to the affect of he was cooler when he had long curly hair and toured with Ragweed… He personal messaged me about following the direction of country music… blah blah blah

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