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Whatever makes you happy

15 Jun

“You should do whatever makes you happy.”  <—– Most immature, misleading, selfish and detrimental phrase I can think of. This has been on my heart so much lately. It seems like everywhere I turn, I’m being reminded of what a vicious storm this idea causes in people’s lives every day.

When did doing whatever makes you “happy” become a noble way to live? I feel certain that my great-grandparents probably never heard that as a life lesson from their parents.

I know it seems nice on the surface. I know that the people I hear say it really do have good intentions. But sometimes it seems like we live in a world where the surface is all there is. We need to rediscover critical thinking. Let’s dig down into every common phrase and uncover what they really mean. Think, everybody! It’s not wise. It’s not thoughtful. It’s hasty and indulgent.

What does “happy” even mean? Can a person be happy every day for the rest of their lives if they just make the right choice? Happy is a temporary emotion that only lasts as long as the circumstances and circumstances are constantly changing with or without our permission. Let’s think about it. How often is “I just need to do what makes me happy” used as an excuse for a parent to leave their spouse for someone else? How often is it used to leave a mother alone to raise a baby? How often is it used for a mother to take her babies to live with another man? And does a decision that causes your children pain ever really make you happy? I know you think it will. If you can just get rid of this jerk and go be with your soul mate, you will be happier which will make your kids happy. Hmmmm…

That’s not the only example. It’s just the one I keep seeing everywhere. If our decisions hurt other people, or cause us to do what we know is wrong (even if we are able to justify it for a short time), we will not have that happiness that we are so desperate to find. I bet you’ve already experienced this in your life. I have. So, let’s stop. Let’s flip the script. Let’s rebel against buying the lie that we need to “do what makes us happy.” Let’s do what is RIGHT instead. Let’s do what’s responsible, what’s charitable and let’s honor our commitments. And then, instead of our grand kids remembering us and saying something like “He always did what made him happy” maybe they will say “She did the right thing. She was an honorable woman. She sacrificed for others.”

Don’t you think?

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Why I oppose gay marriage (hint: it’s not for the reasons supporters are claiming)

27 Mar

Well, here I get to tick everyone off at me again. Yippee. Boy, I must love being hated. Either that or I just stick to my guns whether others like it or not. Yeah, it’s the second one.

I’m not a bigot, so let’s just get that out there. Now, the obligatory “I have gay friends so that means I’m not homophobic.” Seriously, I do. But, it’s kind of a dumb thing to say. I don’t know why. It feels the same as saying “I have black friends so that means I’m not racist.”  But really, I don’t dislike gay people for being gay. I dislike gay marriage for real reasons. And guess what…it’s actually  intolerant to call people names and demonize them for having a different view than you. This is honestly a really tough issue for Christians today. We don’t want people to think we are hateful! It is painful to be so misunderstood. Please read my side of the story and agree or disagree, there is no reason for you to call names or hate me. Mature, civilized discussion is always more productive but it seems like most who disagree with me just shut me out or ignore me. I kind of don’t get to the point until the end, so hang with me.

The secular left are brilliant at stigmatizing the mainstream, traditional beliefs of moderate people and peer pressuring them into believing they are hateful extremists who should change. Or at least scaring them into not standing up for their own beliefs. But Christians, please do not let a fear of men overpower a fear of God’s Word.

One result of leftist aggression combined with Christian silence (or laziness or self-centeredness- not sure which) is abortion on demand.  Soon another result will be gay marriage. I know that I will be on the wrong side of history on this. But I’m cool with that because I will still be on the right side of right. I hate to be a fatalist, but it’s pretty apparent that gay marriage is coming. But, before it does, I just want to let everybody know why I’m against it, not just that I am.

I know you have a right to disagree with me on this issue. That’s totally fine. I know that supporting gay marriage seems like the nice thing to do on the surface. I know it seems like it won’t affect others (“Don’t like gay marriage? Don’t get gay-married.” ) However, there are a lot of deeper consequences that many have not considered. I’m not here to change your mind. I’m just here to explain my position with really real reasons because many who oppose gay marriage are just opposing it without telling others why. And that’s always a bad idea, my friends.

Before you get your panties in a wad (too late?) I am not saying that homosexuality is a choice. I won’t argue about that because I don’t know what it feels like. I don’t doubt at all that people could be born with (or develop early on) homosexual tendencies. And, I have sympathy for that because I know it is difficult to come to terms with for most. Truly. But, homosexual activity is a choice. Just like all the sins I’ve committed have been a choice. And my sins are not lesser sins. So, if you were born homosexual and you want to act on that, then I would agree that you can do so. I do not advocate outlawing everything the Bible calls sin. (Everyone knows how to Google for all the Bible verses condemning homosexuality, right?) I know many people don’t believe the Bible and I agree that they should not be legally forced to follow its instruction. Should there be a law against lying? Against envy? Obviously not. So, I’m not saying that gays shouldn’t be allowed to be gay. But to redefine marriage is something totally different.

I used this pic to get you to look at my post.

I used this pic to get you to look at my post.

Marriage is a legally-recognized romantic union between a man and a woman established by God. It truly is a Christian institution designed for the mutual benefit of the couple and for pro-creation (or the adoption of children). Now, are there plenty of non-Christian married couples? Of course. So, why did they decide to get married? My guess would be because the State (and insurance companies, financial institutions, etc.) bestow benefits for having that legal document (and because of societal pressures which are probably becoming less and less). Why does the state do that? Because it makes for a more stable and productive society to have committed couples raising children together (Obviously with our divorce rate, we are sucking at this but that doesn’t mean we should condemn marriage. It means we should do better at it.). Now, we can argue all day about whether or not it’s any of the State’s business if we’ve made a commitment before God and man to stay together, but that would be pointless because they aren’t going to get out of it, either way. But, if homosexual marriage is legal, then the definition of marriage totally changes. It starts to mean a legally-recognized romantic union between consenting adults, right? Doesn’t that open up the door for a whole lot of other things to be called marriage? So, at what point is marriage so diluted that it really means nothing at all?

(Sidebar: I think one problem we have with marriage being taken too lightly is that many pastors are just marrying anyone who can pay for their services instead of really helping the couple to realize what they are promising and making judgements as to whether they can do it or not. Personally, I think preachers should refuse to marry couples who they, with much prayer, believe are not prepared for marriage- mainly because I’m a divorcee and wish my preacher would’ve refused to marry an obviously doomed, young and stupid couple! haha but enough about my white trash past… Also, for it to be a Christian institution, I don’t think Justices of the Peace should be preforming marriages on the fly.)

I borrowed this whole section from here: “By legalizing same-sex “marriage,” the State becomes its official and active promoter. The State calls on public officials to officiate at the new civil ceremony, orders public schools to teach its acceptability to children, and punishes any state employee who expresses disapproval.

In the private sphere, objecting parents will see their children exposed more than ever to this new “morality,” businesses offering wedding services will be forced to provide them for same-sex unions, and rental property owners will have to agree to accept same-sex couples as tenants.

In every situation where marriage affects society, the State will expect Christians and all people of good will to betray their consciences by condoning, through silence or act, an attack on the natural order and Christian morality.”

So, you see, if this becomes legal, citizens will not be allowed to oppose it on moral grounds. And that’s not freedom, y’all. Not at all!

Now, if the State is going to bestow benefits (or allow companies to do so) based on marital status, then no, it’s not fair for homosexuals (or non-Christians or polygamists or whatever) to be excluded from receiving those benefits. So, that is why I am not against the idea of a civil union. This way, people could have the choice of being in a church-recognized marriage or in a secular civil union. Both would have the same legal status. Now, what’s wrong with that (plenty, I’m sure, since I thought this up in my own feeble brain)?

We are hearing the word “equality” a lot right now. But, really, the law is equal. Anyone can marry anyone else of the opposite sex. So, we aren’t lacking equality, but we may be lacking choice.

Okay, the kiddo is waking up so I gotta go, but here are a few links that say kind of the same thing but probably better.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Heart-wrenching.

This is an oldie but a goodie from Randy Alcorn

Op-Ed from the Chicago Tribune

The new adventure

30 Aug

Guess who’s officially a stay-at-home mom now? This girl (er, lady? Can you still refer to yourself as a “girl” once you have a kid? I don’t know. I’m very new at all this.) That’s right. Life sure is crazy.

I’ve had a great, great, great job as a lobbyist the last two years. Best job ever. In the past, I always hoped I could be a stay-at-home mom but let’s be honest, that would be super-hard to afford. Life for three or more people plus a doggy and a kitty is pretty difficult to manage on one income. In fact, I questioned whether I would even want to have kids if I had to have them in full-time daycare. It just seems like it would be so hard to work full-time and keep a household and a marriage going. And I’m lazy.

But, as a lobbyist, I would be able to be home quite a bit for eight months out of the year while still making a living. So, I assumed this was God’s compromise for us. We planned my pregnancy around legislative session.  I got on a waiting list for the best daycare near the Capitol. I found a pediatrician near the Capitol. I had a PLAN. But, I forgot that my plans usually suck compared to God’s plans. Even though I was preparing everything for the way I thought it should be, I was still praying about the whole baby situation and that His will would be done in our family.

Well, guess what. Two weeks after I had Jack, I got fired. Well, demoted at least. My bosses decided that they just didn’t have enough work to justify paying me full-time (They were right, by the way. I totally understand their position. Although receiving this news while staving off serious baby blues wasn’t the coolest, but that’s my problem.). They did, however, think that they could justify paying me a little bit to do some part-time work from home. I had to think/pray/talk to Spencer about this. After weighing out all our options, this seemed like the best one.

So, now I’m a SAHM (what the peeps on the world wide web call it). This is going to be difficult because while I always wanted to be able to be with my kids, I kind of pictured doing it in a white Range Rover with a Dillard’s card in my wallet. Not that Spencer doesn’t have a good job. He has a great job. But we are not quite to Rockefeller status yet. This means we are going to have to make some serious cuts in the extras. This is what I’ve been cranky about. I spent 26 years of my life being broke. Several of those could go into the extremely broke category. So these last few years, when we’ve had a little breathing room, have been really nice. It’s just hard to face what feels like going backwards financially (Actually, I just realized I’m back to being fat and broke at the same time. ACK! But, that’s a different blog.). But, that’s the plan.

And I’ve got to have faith that it’s a better plan than anything I could’ve come up with.

The First Anniversary Post

4 Jun

Good morning, Internetters!

I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend. I know I did. I got to see my little sister marry a great guy and I also had a spray tan. And my grandma gave me some homemade jelly. So, what more  could a girl want? I started to get choked up early on in my speech at the reception so I just quit in order not to be a blubbering idiot. However, I did have some more things I wanted to say, so maybe I will write them here one day soon.

Today’s entry, though, is solely for my soul mate. It’s our one year anniversary today and I can’t believe how wonderful it’s been.

In fact, ever since we became a couple, I have kind of been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I fully expect to grow a big wart on my nose or become the only survivor of a nuclear bomb any day now because just how long can I be this happy? I almost feel guilty about the perfectness of it all. Almost.

I prayed for Spencer at a time when I was very depressed and very lonely and lost. And I asked God to send me the one he made for me. Let me tell you, I should’ve prayed that prayer a LONG time ago. Like, when I was about 14.

Since this day a year ago, we’ve hit a few milestones. Spencer turned 30, we bought a house, he made the transition at work from inside to outside sales, and we made a little Spencer Jr. I couldn’t be more proud of the man I married. He tries hard at everything he does. He’s smarter than me (um, yeah, I also find this incredible, but it’s actually true) and he has the patience of a saint. He’s also really tall and who doesn’t like that? He’s a good listener and a loyal friend. He’s the one I can go to when I need some shelter from the world. I just love him so much.

Did I mention the Cowboys actually won the Bedlam football game?!

I know we’ve only been married a year, so it’s not like I can offer marital expertise but I can just write some stuff and you can take it for whatever you think it’s worth (this is still America, right?). First, don’t keep dating that guy whom you know you are just settling for. If he embarrasses you, or you think he’s dumb, you really don’t need him. He’s blocking the way for someone better. Next, if you are pretty sure you have identified the one God made for you, be patient but don’t give up. Also, if you are lucky enough to have landed your sweetie pie, be nice to him. It sounds simple, but apparently it isn’t always easy. Think of his needs before your own. Help him when he needs it but don’t boss him around or nag him. Be thankful.

Love you, Spence. I can’t wait for every other year, I hope there are a whole bunch of them.

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