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Well, that’s enough of that

12 Jul

Well, so, yeah. This is becoming a mommy blog. I can’t help it. I have nothing else to talk about. My world revolves around my ginormous belly these days. Obviously I’m going to have to change the slogan at the top of this page. Now it’s neither awesome nor kid-free. I really wanted to avoid making every post about the baby, especially since the baby isn’t even born yet. But, I have found that anything I’ve wanted to get off my chest lately is about the baby. So, that’s that.

When I got pregnant, I vowed to be honest about pregnancy, post-par tum stuff and being a new mama. That’s because everyone always acts so dang joyful about it and, really, I mean, how joyful can it be when you are sleep deprived, leaking milk and blood, have unstable hormones and a house full of people? Obviously, my biggest fears have always been about the newborn period. It just doesn’t seem fun. But, I’m still not there yet so I will fill y’all in when I am.

For the moment, though, I feel obligated to share my feelings about the last part of pregnancy. I have been pretty open here and with my friends and family about my pregnancy so far. I’ve had no issues, everything’s normal and actually, it really hasn’t been too bad (except for that one day when I had a nervous breakdown about my weight). In fact, I have kind of felt like a super star of baby growing. Like, maybe I should get a trophy or something because my body apparently has a natural talent for this. Seriously, we got pregnant basically as soon as we started trying, no morning sickness, no mood swings (Really!), the ability to continue exercising, perfect blood pressure and basically everything else. So, pretty much I had decided that everyone else is just really over dramatic and kind of wimps because pregnancy is not really that difficult. I will make two exceptions to the pretty much otherwise easyness of being preggers.

1. I did have MAJOR fatigue throughout the first and third trimesters. I think one reason is that since I have such awesomely low blood pressure normally, it got a little too low for me to have any energy at times during pregnancy. Seriously, at my first OB appointment at 10wks it was 90/54. My blood was traveling through my veins kind of like the water in the Lazy River at White Water does. I’m obviously the calmest person on Earth.

2. I have to pee constantly. Incessantly. Continually. It’s not really a problem other than it’s just so dang annoying. I was one of those small bladder people anyway before I got knocked up, though. It’s been way worse lately. I’m talking once an hour at night. This has got to be a contributing factor to the fatigue.

Other than that, I have had minor annoyances but nothing to really moan about.

Anyway, since I’ve been walking around all smug about how good I am at being pregnant, I now feel convicted to tell you that I am done being good at it. I am OVER IT. Do you see those capital letters? They are intended to signify that I do not like the last 6 weeks of pregnancy. NOT ONE LITTLE BIT.

For one thing, I feel like I have a bowling ball resting precariously on my pelvis and it’s just waiting to fall out. Possibly right out my butt. The exhaustion has returned. The peeing is just out of control. This is why it’s great to hang out in the pool. I can pee as much as I want without having to stop what I’m doing. Just kidding. Or am I? I am as huge as a house. I feel like an obese 80 year old. I have to roll out of bed. Thank heavens it’s summer time because my feet will only fit in flip-flops. I have two pairs of stretchy shorts that fit. If you expect to see me wearing anything else, you’re outta luck. Basically, I’m just very tired and very uncomfortable. Which is making me very cranky and antisocial. So, I thought I should share this because I have a lot of friends who may decide to get pregnant in the next few months/years and would like to know what to truthfully expect.

You can expect the unexpected, I guess. I know not everyone has an easy pregnancy and I do feel very lucky. Also, I kind of feel like maybe I’m actually a big pansy and so God gave me an easy pregnancy because it’s all I could handle. Who knows. But, since I have been going around encouraging everyone that pregnancy is not so bad, I would now like to tell you that the last part is pretty annoying. And I’m fairly certain it is for everyone. Except for this jerk.

pic borrowed from

When I saw this, I wanted to find her and slap her. If you know this woman, please forward me her contact information.


Yet another visit to see the doctor

21 Jun

Good news! I just heard on Good Morning America (that’s GMA if you’re cool) that high-end handbags may have a dangerous amount of lead in them. You may be wondering why this is good news. Because, I, obviously, have never and probably will never own a high-end handbag so I feel safe. Sorry for all you rich people (or poor people who are just so stylish that it’s worth putting on plastic. Even worse for you. You may have some crazy high medical bills one day because of your purse. I mean, I don’t know how much lead-removal costs, but I’m going to guess it ain’t cheap. And no, you can’t just get on SoonerCare. I know that’s what you were thinking. Oh, well, you will probably just file bankruptcy in that case. Oh, sweet mercy. This is what’s wrong with America.) Anyway, it’s usually the cheap stuff that’s all toxic so I am feeling pretty good about my health this morning.

Which is good because I have to go to the Dr. this morning. Again. If you think baby having isn’t a racket for somebody, you are severely confused. Listen to this: I have not had one single pregnancy problem (Praise Jesus!), and have required no extra monitoring, testing, etc. We have insurance through Spencer’s work, but we pay a good chunk of it, especially for me to be covered. This means that we have to pay our $1500 deductible (which also covers our hospital bill) PLUS the 20% extra that the Dr. is allowed to charge on top of what insurance will pay. That comes to $480. So, not being a mathematical or accounting genius, I don’t really know how much the Dr. actually gets. Mainly because I haven’t looked to see how much the insurance is paying him. I don’t know how it all works between him and the hospital. But if $480 is only 20% of what he gets to charge, this man is making a KILLING, y’all. Especially when I consider that his office is packed every time I’m there. Which is often. At first it was every five weeks. Then four. Now three and I’m guessing that will keep decreasing until I just move into his office.

Here’s what happens at my appointments: Get weighed, pee in a cup, listen to the baby’s heartbeat, check my blood pressure (if the nurse remembers) and recently, measure my belly. The nurse does all this and then the Dr. comes in and asks if I have any questions and reminds me to make sure my husband is helping me stretch my vagina in preparation for the big day. Yes, I’m serious.

Honestly, I could do all this at home if they would give me the test strips to dip in my pee and a blood pressure cuff thing. I’m sure there’s an app where you can hear the heartbeat. Anyway, I do really like my doctor and I’m not saying the man doesn’t earn his pay but all this seems a little excessive to me. I wish I could just call in my stats every six weeks or so. I think I will try to do that next time. Speaking of which, I have heard that a doctor can stop seeing you because you are “non-compliant.” Has this happened to anyone I know? If so, please tell me because you will probably become my hero. I was wondering because everyone keeps saying “Your doctor won’t let you go more than a week past your due date.” And I keep saying, “He will if I don’t show up for the induction.”  I mean, what do they do, come to your house and force you to be induced? Noooooo.

Now I’m starting to wonder how often I will have to take the baby to the doctor to be socially accepted as a caring parent.   I think I’m going to encourage Jack to become an OB.

Well, here’s a cute little kitty named Gravy drinking out of Smokey’s swimming pool to make us feel better.

Some stuff about being pregnant

11 Jun

1. Everyone wants to call you “Mama.” Including your own mama. Which is confusing.

2. Everyone who has never been pregnant is super paranoid about everything you do. I know this for sure because I was when my sister was prego. Seriously, I got into an argument with my friends the other day because I drank a Body By Vi shake for lunch instead of eating 8,000 calories. I mean, honestly, do I look like I am depriving my child of nourishment?! My butt is the size of a barn!

3. Some people who have been pregnant can’t wait to tell you every single thing that is a scientific fact about pregnancy and they know it is a scientific fact because it happened to them, not because it really is a scientific fact. Honestly, I think there are some people who are so desperate to share their knowledge that they probably seek out pregnant people just to annoy impress them. This one probably irritates me more than it should because maybe I am a know-it-all, too. But at least I try to hold it in and not unleash it on everyone else who doesn’t care anyway. I’ve been told to get used to this one because unsolicited and unwanted and nonsensical parenting advice is going to keep getting dispensed to me until I die.

4. People want you to not lift things. Things that are a lot smaller than you would think. Like a crock pot.  I think this is funny. I understand there are people who have conditions that restrict their physical abilities during pregnancy but just being pregnant doesn’t mean your arms and legs are broken. I got so much flak about this early on that I asked my doctor. His response was, “Are you trying to bench 300lbs?” My doc’s kind of a smart aleck. We get along.

5. People want you to not mow the lawn on a riding mower. Because…um, because…Well, I haven’t figured out why this is scary to people. I think Jack likes it. He goes to sleep. Maybe I should be worried that I will have to drive him around on the mower to get him to go to bed?

6. People think your baby is in great peril if they see you with a coke, tea or coffee. Granted, it is recommended that you limit caffeine, but really, I looked this up toward the end of my first trimester when I was LITERALLY DYING for a Dr. Pepper. I think most doctors advise you to keep it below 200mg per day. Guess how many mgs of caffeine are in a can of Dr. Pepper? 42. So, yeah. Get off me. My grandma laughed at me the other day when I told her I was just going to have one cup of coffee. “Why?! Do you not want him kicking you too much?”

7. You can still exercise. Unfortunately. But, you will probably get tired/out of breath quicker than usual and you need to use common sense. I made sure I was doing safe stuff after the first trimester (when you can still do basically everything) by just buying a pregnancy workout DVD.

8. Not everyone gets morning sickness. And I don’t know how many dads told me that I must be having a girl if I wasn’t getting sick, but it was a lot. Poor dads. Some of them want to be pregnancy know-it-alls too but it’s hard for us to take you seriously when you haven’t carried a kiddo.

9. Having low blood pressure is probably safer than having high blood pressure, so I don’t complain but if you are one of these weirdos like me, you will be EXHAUSTED. Your blood pressure drops at a few times during pregnancy and if you have low blood pressure anyway, you will question whether your blood is actually moving or if it’s just sitting in there congealing. You will probably fall asleep at times you aren’t supposed to.

10. The worst part of my pregnancy so far has been gaining weight. And, who knows? It might all come off within a couple months. Or, it might not. We’ll have to wait and see on that one. But, with two months left to go until our due date, I thought I should let other ladies know that it might not be that hard for them. People love to scare you and tell you horror stories but other than being  more tired than usual and peeing a whole lot more, it hasn’t been difficult for me.

These are just a few observations I’ve made so far. I know I’m pretty lucky and some ladies have really tough pregnancies. But, I don’t think that’s the norm. And, I do think attitude/mindset is everything. I know the next two months might get ugly but I kind of doubt it. I actually hope the last week or two are a little rougher so I will be motivated to push this kid out. That’s another thing people worry a lot about-the delivery part. I’m not feeling any anxiety about it so far but once it’s all over I promise to give an HONEST portrayal of it for all my friends who are wondering.

Anybody else have some observations to share? They don’t even have to be about pregnancy. You could tell us a laundry trick or about that new Katy Perry song you like.

P.S. Biscuit and Gravy, the wonder kittens have been here about two weeks. I haven’t taken any pics yet because um, it’s hot, BUT they are dadgum cute and someday I might show them to you.


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