Tag Archives: Jesus calling

Holding it in

30 Oct

I have been struggling lately. When something is on my mind or I don’t know what to do, I long to talk about it with someone. But sometimes it’s best not to say anything (because it involves other people and you don’t know if you should be talking about them or not). And that’s when I would normally write about it in some vague blog and hope that would relieve the pressure to share without putting anybody on the spot. But sometimes it’s best not to.

And I know that what I’m supposed to do is pray about it. But sometimes that’s not very satisfying because I want to know what to do NOW. I get anxiety about uncertainty. I have trouble just being and waiting. I need to take some action!

Today, as I thought about the things I long to say, I vacillated between emotions and approaches and perspectives. I am so afraid of letting myself hold these things in and continue to be hurt by them but I am so afraid of hurting someone else by talking about them because we all know I can really let fly with the wrong words and the wrong tone when I get going. So as I prayed today I kept remembering to “wait on the Lord.” (Ps 27:14) Just wait, Heather.

The world is not going to fall apart if I don’t fix everything today. I think I will just wait on Him to do something or to show me what to do because “God is not the author of confusion” (1 Cor 14:33). If I am confused, then I have not heard from Him. Right?

Thanks for letting me talk this out in a vague blog post. I had no idea what was in my head until I read it.

ALSO: This is important and I came back to a finished yet unpublished post just to add it. I have written here and elsewhere about the daily devotional I’ve been doing, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. I wrote that I was skeptical of it before I began because from what little I had seen, the entries seemed to be her putting words in God’s mouth. You can read my post about that here.

But, today I saw this link. The question we are discussing starts right around minute 6. I have a lot of trust in what Hank has to say because of his vast, amazing knowledge of the Bible. He may possibly have the entire thing memorized. It seems Hank’s concern with Jesus Calling is 1. that people use devotionals as a replacement for the Bible 2. that people will read Sarah’s words and believe they are God’s and 3. that Sarah makes things up sometimes. I totally agree on #1 and I want to explain my point of view on #2. As I read the devotionals, in my mind, it is like I am reading Sarah’s prayer journal and she is just sharing what she felt lead to write down, NOT that these are God’s words. As far as #3, I have no idea about that but I would hate to think that I need to research the personal history of every author whose works I read. But maybe I do?

Anyway, I wanted everyone to have the chance to hear Hank’s thoughts lest I recommend something crazy to everybody. I take his concerns very seriously.

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Day two: Getting it together by prioritizing

1 Oct

Listen, Friends. This is day two and I am posting. I think that right there proves I am a changed woman. But, seriously, earlier today the annoying nag perfectionist in me was thinking “Well, since you actually had to post Day 1 of an October challenge on September 30th, it’s going to be all off now. You are going to be done on October 30th instead of 31st unless you skip a day. So maybe last night’s post should just count for today too.” And then my practical self said “And, the big deal about that is…?” Sheesh, calm down, Crazy. So, there. I will either be done on Oct 30 or I will post 32 days in a row. Big whoop. I didn’t think it was a good sign that I was finding ways to skip posting already on Day 2.

Getting it together is a much broader topic than I would have liked but I decided to do the challenge at the last minute so I didn’t have time to really think about what my future posts might be about. Choosing something broad gives me a little leeway there. I was wondering if I picked the right topic and then the same day, I had conversations with two of my friends where they used the phrase “get it together” and so I decided to take that as a sign and stop fretting about it.

The key to me finding some direction and establishing a sustainable routine has been my Bible study and prayer time. I usually don’t like devotionals because for one thing I’m overly leery of leaning on what other people say about God rather than finding out for myself what the Bible says about God  and for another thing, I’ve never found one I liked. I tend to be critical have high standards and I usually find the devotionals really cheesy or overly obvious. BUT. Awhile back I was at the thrift store and I found a brand new (still in the packaging- I guess someone wasn’t enthused about receiving that gift?) leather bound copy of Jesus Calling. I had heard a lot of hype online about it but I thought it was weird because she writes it in first-person as if God is speaking. That kind of creeped me out. But, it was cheap and in such good condition that I thought it was worth the risk. It really was. My concerns were set aside when I realized that the reason the devotionals are written that way is because she would write down what she felt God was saying to her during her quiet time. So, it’s sort of like she just shared her prayer journal.

So, every morning when I put Jack down for his nap between 9-10am, I go make my bed (yes, this habit has also caused me to start making my bed which is a whole new thing) and then I sit on it with my coffee and turn my phone on silent. Then I pray, read the devotional, write down the corresponding Bible verses (this helps me absorb them a little better), pray again and start my chores. It does not matter what chores I have for that day, I WILL spend my time with God before I do them. I missed some days a few weeks ago because my mom had a bad wreck on a horse and I went to help her. But, when I started back I just added one of the days I missed onto the current day and now I’m caught up again.

I wanted to share with everyone my quiet time tool and give you an idea of what it’s about in case you are looking for some structure in your Bible study. So now that there’s some background, I’ll explain more in-depth about what it’s been doing to my heart in a future post. For now, here are a few words that come up: slowing down, listening, embracing weakness, gentleness and peace.

By His grace, I have finally realized that I can’t get it together on my own. I need Him to put it together for me. And it takes being spiritually refreshed daily to have any chance at being who He made me to be. And I bet it does for you, too. So I encourage anyone who is trying to get it together to start by spending time listening to God every day.

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